Have you ever felt that you have forgotten who you are, or who you were?
I am in that kind of position for the moment, some parts of me have changed, like my interest in photography which has gradually lowered daily. Without any certain reason, or not any that I know of at least. For the past year I have felt more and more that whenever something nice or cool happens, instead of grabbing my camera to take a picture, I would rather just enjoy it directly. No lens or machine between me and reality, I always wanted to get the best picture possible, but in the quest for the ultimate photo, I lost the entire event. Then my friends talked about how fantastic it was to see it, and all I have is the photo and the stress I had while trying to get the perfect image of it.
In addition to that, I became lazy in the later years, no longer wanting to carry a large camera or an extra large backpack just to have the right lenses ready, in case they were needed. It all was a hassle to carry, but I gladly did it, just in case just that one day it would all be worth it, normally it never happened, but that is not the point. Last year I also purchased a GoPro camera, a small pocket-sized movie-capturing device, for those who have no idea what it is. And I was amazed at how easy it was, I wear it as a necklace, if anything happens I just take it, press one button and it starts recording. Meanwhile, I can watch the whole spectacle myself, and as long as I do not forget to hold the camera sort of pointed correctly, then it results in a nice movie afterwards. How easy, right?
Yet I have to say that not feeling the inspiration or the will to carry around my camera anymore, has left me feeling empty. For most of my teenage and adult life, the camera has been my thing, and many people’s only memory of me would be “the guy with the camera”. A part of me feels like wanting to sell away all my expensive equipment, just to buy a simple compact camera, and start all over again. Back to the beginning, as they say, I know in many cases that it might help re-gaining creativity.
A good example of this is my latest trip to Italia, two weeks ago I went to Italia, and stayed in the area of Padova. Visited the mountains, visited Lake Garda, and the beach side of Venezia. All thanks to this super kind girl I got to know. Of course, I brought my professional camera, but only one lens this time. The smallest lens I have, and the one that has become my favourite just because it is small and the 28mm is more than enough for most occasions. Just to make a trip as light as possible when it comes to packing, of course, I also brought my GoPro. During the whole stay, I took a few pictures with my big camera, just because I felt I had to, or else bringing it along would have been a waste. For the most part, my phone and the GoPro were used the most. I have some movies and some images that are already out on social media, or they will be soon, at least.
After the Italia trip, it was straight to Bergen and then Trondheim before ending back home in Oslo. In these locations the camera was just left in my backpack at the hotel, never taken out at all. My phone did the most of the job, and I happily captured many moments of the trip. And of course, I will not say that phone images are better than the ones coming from my expensive camera, MA, they are good enough to be used within social media and for quick sharing with friends. Also, not to mention the quick on-the-go editing done directly on the phone without having to transfer them to a PC and then make the necessary developing through Adobe Lightroom. I do not edit my images much or spend much time on them, that has never changed. I have always tried to take my photos as close to how I want them as possible. To not edit the reality more than necessary.
I am searching for inspiration currently, hoping to find a way back to motivation, not sure how, but I will try. I know also for sure that, of course, you do change in life, and if my passion is going away for this hobby, then I guess that is okay also, it has brought me lots of adventures and so much fun. I regret nothing, but, I hope the spark will return to me at some time in the future.
Allora, this is the reason for the title, it feels like something is missing. Those parts of me are changed so that I do not properly recognise it, for now, it feels strange, but maybe over time it becomes the new normal. Or maybe I will permanently change from that guy with the camera, into that guy who used to always bring his camera, haha. Time will show! Have a nice day, ci vediamo!
#owlando
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